Mediation offers an alternative to the traditional adversary legal system. For most families, there is nothing of value to be found in court. The people in the conflict are far more familiar with the problems to be solved, and better able to clearly communicate what each needs to feel heard, respected and treated fairly.
Q. What is Mediation?
Mediation is a confidential process in which a neutral professional mediator helps the parties in the dispute reach a mutually acceptable resolution of their issues. The mediator does not take sides or make decisions, but assists people in sharing information, identifying goals and discussing options. Mediation is sometimes described as facilitated or assisted negotiation.
Q. What are the advantages of mediation?
* Privacy: Settlement without airing private details in public.
* Voluntary: You can opt out at any point if the process is not working for you.
* Speed: Litigating a contested divorce can take a year or more. Motivated parties can complete mediation in a few hours of meetings spread over a matter of weeks.
* Quality: With help, the parties to a dispute are much better positioned to develop a creative and mutually fair result than a stranger in a black robe. Studies show that people tend to comply with the mediated agreements that they created as opposed to solutions imposed on them in court.
* Preserving Relationships: Speaking directly to the other person in a dispute allows conversation that can not only resolve the current problem, but help preserve or even improve an ongoing relationship for the future.
* Cost Savings: A successful mediation is almost always far less expensive than a litigated dissolution.
* Less Wear & Tear: Mediation is much less stressful for all family members.
Q. What does the mediator do for the parties?
A trained mediator assists parties to:
* Separate their relationship issues from the “business” issues that must be resolved
* Organize and list the specific items to be resolved
* Listen to each other to discover common interests hiding under dueling positions
* Brainstorm options for reaching agreement
* Choose results that make the most sense for all concerned
* Write up their agreement in plain English.
Q. Can a mediator force a settlement?
No. Unlike a judge or an arbitrator, a mediator does not decide what is right or wrong and cannot force anyone to do anything. The parties “own” their dispute and retain complete control over all decision-making. One of mediation’s great strengths is that it is 100% voluntary. Participants stay with the process only if it is superior to other available alternatives.
Q. Do lawyers get involved in mediation?
Some parties choose to bring their lawyers to mediation sessions, but most do not. However, it is always a good idea to obtain independent legal advice at some point in the process (for many, this means just a one-hour consult with an attorney). A mediator who is a lawyer can provide general legal information to either parties, but not separate legal advice or strategy to either party. Consulting a lawyer who understands the benefits of mediation can help in many ways, including clarifying what sort of settlement you want to seek in mediation.
Q. Does divorce mediation give the same results as litigation?
Mediation is often far superior, especially when kids are involved. Families can reduce conflict and focus on their future interaction as co-parents. Children are not hurt by a divorce nearly as much as they are by having their parents in ongoing stress and conflict. A “peaceful” dissolution allows parents to work together to re-structure the family for the maximum benefit of all involved over the long haul.
Q. How much does mediation cost?
Mediation costs far less than having the same issue resolved by lawyers in court. The exact costs vary based on how long the parties take to reach agreement. I charge $195 per hour. A typical range to complete the mediation process is $1500-$2500.
Q. Is Mediation The Same As Counseling?
No. Mediation is not counseling, therapy, or legal advice. Mediation focuses primarily on working with the parties themselves to develop solutions for the future, not in affixing blame for the past.
Q. At what stage does mediation take place?
The earlier, the better. But, mediation can take place whenever the parties are ready to talk directly, even after litigation is underway.
Q. What if I don’t trust my spouse?
During a break up, it is very normal for partners to mis-trust each other and to find it hard to imagine that they can agree on anything important. A trained mediator helps parties to dig below their entrenched positions, to the underlying common interests that really matter to both of them. An agreement can then be crafted that achieves those important family goals and provides the basis for confidence that things can be different and better in the future. Over 90% of all court cases eventually settle, usually after a lot of unnecessary expense and fighting. Mediation is there to help parties reach a mutually fair agreement sooner, and with less pain.
Q. What if I am intimidated or overwhelmed by my spouse?
Mediation is not the best option for all situations. In families where there has been a history of domestic violence or other control by one partner, mediation may not be appropriate. Collaborative Law may be a better alternative. I am available to discuss any such concerns privately so you can decide if you are able to advocate vigorously for yourself in mediation. And, remember that during mediation, the mediator’s job is to keep the playing field level, to ensure the process remains fair throughout and allow both parties to really speak their piece and work to get their real needs met in a mutually fair deal.
Q. What if we are already divorced and still disagreeing?
Certainly, the older a conflict, the harder it can be to resolve. Ongoing disagreement often means that the couple either has unfinished business or that some new situation has lead to their current conflict. Mediation can help the parties address their unmet underlying interests and reach a more peaceful relationship, even after years of conflict. A settlement that truly meets the underlying needs of the family members can bring lasting peace after a long period of painful conflict.
