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A divorce (or a breakup for unmarried folks) doesn’t always mean the end of the couple’s relationship.  Partners with children necessarily will be interacting for years to come, maybe forever. And many couples without kids still choose to remain connected post-break-up.  Our relationships change when we separate, but often continue in a different form.   Taking stock Most … [Read more...] about Valuing Post-Break-up Relationships

Mary Oliver, a poet who recently passed away, challenged us to look closely at what’s right in front of us and seize the day through her unique voice. The Summer Day Who made the world? Who made the swan, and the black bear? Who made the grasshopper? This grasshopper, I mean- the one who has flung herself out of the grass, the one who is eating sugar out of my hand, who … [Read more...] about Seize the Day

Early in life, James O’Connor realized he had an overarching desire to help people. He went to Georgetown Law School with the intent of using the law as a tool for change. After graduating in the Ronald Reagan era, O’Connor found himself searching for a job that allowed him to assist individuals and couples in finding solutions to the issues that many families face. So, he traveled to a rural part … [Read more...] about Multnomah Lawyer talked with me for their latest issue’s Pro Bono Spotlight

A Final Vow to You Once we meant something uniquely special to each other. To our sons, we always will. No man will ever love them as much as I do; no woman will ever love them as much as you do. To them, we will always be family, and when they think of their family, they will think of us. Today I can see they would feel any attack between us like an attack on them—so it’s in our good … [Read more...] about A Divorcing Parent’s Vow

Your relationship can be redefined… 1. In most cases, parents either win together or lose together. No one “wins” in divorce, and almost always a crusade for “victory” cause more conflict, expense, and damage to children. Outcomes are good if they’re good for everyone. 2. Protecting your children may be your light out of hurt and fear. Almost always parents do best for themselves … [Read more...] about 10 Clear Thoughts—Just When You May Need Them Most

Here's an article from Slate.com that I know many of you can relate to: Relationships The Work of “Marital Maintenance” Is a Privilege And not everyone can afford it. By Sarah Bregel April 19, 20189:41 AM Recently, I bumped into an old acquaintance from a mom group while I mulled over a bag of clementines in the produce section at Target. My 3-year-old sat in the cart, kicking … [Read more...] about Some Families Are Too Stressed To Work On Their Marriages

As an experienced mediator and a divorced dad, I am always looking for new insights on how to ease this process for my clients. I belong to The International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (IACP), a professional organization that helps us practitioners constantly improve our skills. In the midst of the stress of separation and divorce, it can be very tough to see the larger picture. Here … [Read more...] about Requirements for a Peaceful Divorce

Divorce and shared custody suits me, and it suits my kids, too. By Lara Bazelon, for Slate Magazine Divorce hits with a particular brutality when small children are involved. My ex-husband and I agreed to joint custody, and we co-parent amicably, so our situation is better than most. And yet, adding to my initial anger, disappointment, and shame about the end of the relationship was a heavy … [Read more...] about Confessions of a Part Time Mom