by Zach Brittle,Couples Therapist, Author, Founder of forBetter.us(originally published in Huffington Post) Lately, I’ve had a handful of clients come into my office grappling with the idea of whether or not to divorce. It’s a fraught decision, loaded with complicated choices. One thing I hear over and over is “we don’t want to divorce because of the kids”. It’s a noble sentiment, but flawed. … [Read more...] about An Open Letter To The Couple Who Are Staying Together For The Kids
"Happy families are not all alike." What follows is a link to a column from the New York Times by Lara Bazelon about her family's five day vacation together, post divorce. A potent reminder that it is possible to create an atmosphere of joy and love, even after a marriage ends. http://www.nytimes.com/2015/09/27/fashion/from-divorce-a-fractured-beauty.html?_r=1 … [Read more...] about From Divorce, A Fractured Beauty
You do not have to be good.You do not have to walk on your kneesFor a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.You only have to let the soft animal of your bodylove what it loves.Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.Meanwhile the world goes on.Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rainare moving across the landscapes,over the prairies and the deep trees,the … [Read more...] about Wild Geese
The divorce process is one of discussions leading to decisions. The discussions and decisions are best if they are jointly held and made. How difficult this is depends on who the two people are. How much and what kind of support do you two need to have the discussions? to embrace a perspective in those discussions that will result in decisions you can both live and continue to work with? The … [Read more...] about I don’t want to be your shepherd.
Regarding the wellbeing of kids with divorced parents, the debate over what kind of custody arrangement is best rages on. But a new study, published Monday in the Journal of Epidemiology & Community Health, suggests that children fare better when they spend time living with both of their parents. That goes against some current thinking that kids in shared-custody situations are exposed to … [Read more...] about This Divorce Arrangement Stresses Kids Out Most
One day you finally knewwhat you had to do, and began,though the voices around youkept shoutingtheir bad advice--though the whole housebegan to trembleand you felt the old tugat your ankles."Mend my life!"each voice cried.But you didn't stop.You knew what you had to do,though the wind priedwith its stiff fingersat the very foundations,though their melancholywas terrible.It was already lateenough, … [Read more...] about The Journey
When the going gets tough may I resist my first impulse to wade in, fix, explain, resolve, and restore. May I sit down instead. When the going gets tough may I be quiet. May I steep for a while in stillness. When the going gets tough may I have faith that things are unfolding as they are meant to. May I remember that my life is what it is, not what I ask for. May I find the strength to bear … [Read more...] about When the Going Gets Tough…